Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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