my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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