Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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