Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
