We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind