Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.