i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.