I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.