If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dignity is for republicans.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
