DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
