I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
