So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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