meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
