Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
