so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The power of my boobs compel you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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