party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
