Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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