I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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