Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
