Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
