Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love you. Go after that dick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
