I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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