Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.

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  (502): I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later. http://tfl.nu/r27t
  Replies (24) Good night (4038) Bad night (1047)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

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  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (740) Bad night (5002)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.

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  (610): craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus. http://tfl.nu/0q2j
  Replies (11) Good night (2856) Bad night (1137)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.

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  (440): I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit. http://tfl.nu/ddzq
  Replies (7) Good night (973) Bad night (3048)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do flat chested girls get laid?

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  (724): how do flat chested girls get laid? http://tfl.nu/7tbe
  Replies (189) Good night (1185) Bad night (5845)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.

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  (978): If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities. http://tfl.nu/pwci
  Replies (6) Good night (1829) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip

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  (410): You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip http://tfl.nu/bjin
  Replies (4) Good night (1788) Bad night (499)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods

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  (419): Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods http://tfl.nu/bin2
  Replies (4) Good night (989) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

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  (440): Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period http://tfl.nu/lfle
  Replies (8) Good night (2236) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.

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  (785): We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool. http://tfl.nu/h5uz
  Replies (5) Good night (1837) Bad night (456)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.

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  (330): You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower. http://tfl.nu/aao1
  Replies (6) Good night (1348) Bad night (458)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell

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  (775): He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/4swv
  Replies (11) Good night (2017) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary

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  (248): Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary http://tfl.nu/0652
  Replies (3) Good night (280) Bad night (828)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint

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  (503): U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint http://tfl.nu/psor
  Replies (0) Good night (908) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.

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  (306): fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not. http://tfl.nu/h1nv
  Replies (5) Good night (900) Bad night (214)

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