Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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