We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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