There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night