alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dating After Heartbreak
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.