Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.