i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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