I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick