Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.