last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar