apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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