I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
