She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His nipple licking is glorious
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