it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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