i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
