he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize