I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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