I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
