I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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