Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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