I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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