I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
