also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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