I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
