would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
