That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
