I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
