i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
