Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
