jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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