a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
