what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
