you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
