So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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