i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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