And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
