i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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