I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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