she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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