They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
