wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
