R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
