He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
