wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
