you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
