where am i from again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
