I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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