I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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