marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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