my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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