I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
