The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
