the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
