She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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