I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
