he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
