just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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