Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
