Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
